U Is For Undertow

U is for Undertow by Sue Grafton

No one weaves a story like Sue Grafton and there are very few private eyes, like Kinsey Milhone.  There are very few authors that I have read consistently for over 20 years, but Sue Grafton has captured me from the early 90’s with A is for Alibi and although I have had gaps in my years of reading, I have finally made it to U is for Undertow and it kept me guessing until the end.

The story opens with Kinsey investigating a case of a missing child that occurred over 20 years ago.  In addition to reading Kinsey’s narrative, we are also transported to the mid 60’s to be introduced to what appears to be unrelated characters, but of course Ms. Grafton, expertly weaves the stories of their lives into a related story that has you guessing the relationships, the history, and the potential outcomes.   All classic elements of a great mystery.  Along the way, we continue to pick up bits and pieces of Kinsey’s family history, which is a mystery in itself. 

From the well defined descriptions of the people and places, you are transported to Santa Theresa, California in both the 1960’s and the 1980’s.  As I recently realized, it takes great expertise to write a novel set in the technology of the 1980’s, while living in the 21 century.   There are times, when as a reader, I even wonder to myself, “why didn’t she just call on her cell phone?” 

As the plot begins to reach a close, all the seemingly unrelated pieces fall into place with an element of suspense and of course an end to the investigation.   I will quickly starting reading “V is for Vengance” and will have to admit that when she finally roles out the “Z” novel, I imagine I will spend a few day s in mourning, as I think about the history of my life and the times I have read Sue Grafton novels.

Everyday

Everyday by David Levithan

It always thrills me when one of my kids says, “Hey mom, I think you should read this book.  You’d really like it”.  It makes me feel connected to them in several ways.  One is that they are sharing my love of reading but the second is that the books they usually have chosen reflect that they understand something about me and what I like to read.  That means a lot when you are living with young adults, who will always be your babies.  

Recently, my almost 21 year old suggested I read the book Everyday.  She said she knew I liked books about time travel and this was kind of like that, in a way.   She was right, I did like the book and before she was born, I used to love the show Quantum Leap, although she didn’t know about that one.   The book is a “Quantum Leap” style story where, “A” wakes ups as a different person everyday.  He is always the same approximate age but his gender and location can vary.  He spends one day in the life of another person before moving on to a new body the next morning.  He is able to access his own memories as well as the person he inhabits.  This has been all he has ever known and until recently he had accepted it and chosen to never get attached or develop relationships.  One encounter changes that.

He meets a young girl and everything changes.  He wants to know her better, he wants to see her again and he begins a quest to see her again and for the first time in his life, he must share his story and his life.  Of course, it is difficult for anyone to believe but after a few meetings, she is able to be convinced that he is speaking the truth.  

This book, will keep you guessing but it will also challenge you to think about what really matters about a person.  What it means to look beyond the external and how difficult that can actually be.  It is a quick read and one that will keep you thinking about the outcome and the way you interact with those you encounter differently.   The next time my daughter says, “Hey mom, I think you should your this book.  You’d really like it”, you can bet, I’ll be heading to the nearest library to check it out.  Connections made over books, can be some of the foundational of that ever tumultuous relationship of two adult women learning how to be independent, yet knowing they can depend on each other.  

Until I Say Good Bye by Susan Spencer Wendel

One of my favorite songs is “Live Like You Were Dying”.  I recently finished reading “Until I Say Good-Bye”, and it reminded me of how I wish I could live by those words,everyday, even though I don’t have a terminal illness.

Susan Spencer, leads me through her journey and makes me want to enjoy each day.  She makes me actually want to embrace each day and to relish each moment that I am blessed with and each person that I encounter.  Early in the book, she quotes Dr. Suess, “Don’t cry because it’s over.  Smile because it happened”.  She challenges us to “enjoy life more because of the uncertainty, not less”.  It is a reminder to me that life is full of uncertainty and the way I respond to that uncertainty is what develops my character. 

As she describes her relationship with her mother, I am reminded of my own, not because of the harshness Tee sometimes provoked Susan with but instead because she describe Tee as “always smiling and insisting everything was wonderful, even when it wasn’t”.  In the past few years of my life, I have attempted to be more authentic in who I am as well as who I am becoming.  As she shares her life with her father, she recognizes his love language is doing, not saying.  This is so similar to my father and the love language he has demonstrated throughout his life that I found myself tearful, not because of her impending death but how closely I identified with her relationships.

Even in the midst of knowing her future, the author is able to be glad in the moments, to create lifetime memories, and to focus on the life, not the illness.  Her husband is a pillar of strength and their love transcends all that is real and perceived.  In his words, “The least I can do for you is everything”.  These words are the foundation of every successful marriage.

As she becomes introspective, she realizes the importance of inner strength.  She pens, “listen to what your soul is saying, and not the people around you”.  Sometimes this is much easier said than done.  She also realizes the value of relationships and specifically her sister, who she grows closer to, They allow each other to unburden their hearts, un-crowd their minds, and listen to what their souls are saying. 

As she admits her depression, I begin to feel bold enough to share some of my own struggles.  She wonders if there is a stigma to admitting depression, to admitting her moments of anger and despair.  She quotes, “If so, I chose to ignore it (the stigma) because my mind is healthy.” What a different world this would be if we could all have the courage to say these words, whether suffering from physical or emotional illness.

As she begins to draw closer to her final days with ALS, she choses to “dwell in what there remains to be grateful for.” She has learned not to want things she can’t have or can’t do.  One thing that became apparent to me is that in the midst of illness and death, life continues to go on around you.  Teenagers still have messy rooms, she can’t helicopter parent, you can’t force anything.  She looks to her children’s future, she wants them to be happy, she hopes someday her daughter finds someone that makes her happy and treats her well.  She wants to them to not fear the possible.  She wants their lives to continue. 

Susan is a fighter, she continues to fight ALS, she continues to be an inspiration for those around her and those that inspire her and her life.  As you read this book, may you also be inspired and want to “live like you were dying”.  

Wild

Wild by Cheryl Strayed

Audio Book Review by Amy Hanson

Listening to an audio book is an entirely different experience.  Sometimes I find myself actually driving around for an extra ten minutes because I am so engrossed in the book.  Wild by Cheryl Strayed was one of those types of books. I would leave early to drive places just so I could sit in the parking lot for a few minutes and listen a little longer before I started my next task.

The disadvantage to listening to an audio book is that when the language is harsh or brash, you can’t just skim over it and you can’t just push fast-forward without skipping to the next tract and missing a segment of the book.  I learn to just think of it as words that have no purpose to the story and that becomes my version of “skimming”.  I had to do this a few times in the book but putting that aside, this book helped me find a little of myself, while Cheryl was finding herself in the Wild.

Cheryl is in her late 20’s when she begins to hike the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT).  As she tells her story of what led up to the trail hike, I found myself both laughing and crying as she shared with raw honesty how the pain and trials of her life developed her into the person she would become by the end of her 1100 mile hike. 

She shares her childhood, which was filled with an abusive father who her brave mother finally left when Cheryl was about 6 years old  and of the step father, Eddie, who loved her “when it mattered”.  She shares the terminal illness and death of her mother and the consequent separation of her family.   As Cheryl so eloquently writes, “without my mother, we weren’t who we had been”.  It was heartbreaking to hear her share the hurt but at the same time, I was encouraged because she shared so openly and with a candor that many of us would try and hide.  She talks freely of her divorce, her spiraling downward through Heroin use and the feeling of being ready to “self disttuct”.  She does not sugar coat any part of her life or her journey but because of the openness of her hurt, she draws the reading along on her journey and brings us each to the place in our lives where we are, at least virtually, at the start of the PCT.  Beginning a journey with a “monster backpack”, unprepared in many ways but taking one step at a time. 

I couldn’t help but recognize the similarities of the baggage of Cheryl’s life with the monster backpack she was bringing along on this journey, in boots too small.   The surprising part to me was that even though she continued to carry the burdens of her life and the monster backpack, somewhere along the way, her load began to get lighter, both literally and figuratively.  

As she begins walking alone she is literally unable to stand fully erect under the weight of the backpack and has grossly underestimated the amount of miles she will be able to cover in a day.  She has thoughts of turning back and walks at times without seeing another person on the trail, listening only to the “song tracks” she has embedded in her mind (her journey was long before the IPOD made it’s appearance).  When she does encounter others along the way, she initially doesn’t want them to see her struggle to put the pack on or take it off so she would not let them assist her.   As she becomes more comfortable on the trail, she allows others to help her lighten the load, including a father son duo who help her rid the supplies that she would not need and I think also as those things fell away, she also began to lose so much of the burden she had been carrying. 

It has been said, that sometimes people go on long hikes, trips, places of solace to find themselves.   I believe Cheryl did find a little of herself along the way but more importantly I believe she learned exactly what she reminded me near the end of her story, “sometimes it’s enough to trust”.